First off Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
I had to work 6-noon. Then we headed over to Roger's sister and husband's house. This year they wanted to host and have his immediate family and relatives over. It was ok. I don't want to say out loud that it was boring, but it was.
Anywho, I don't want to sound mean, selfish. But why I'm about to break is because BIL announced that they're pregnant with #2 and his sister/BIL is pregnant with #3. I am happy for them. I'm just getting really frustrated. Now that we're home. I'm still trying very hard to hold back the tears, although a few sneak by. I just know if I let myself go, it won't be pretty.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
How often do you cry?
I was just thinking awhile ago that it's been awhile since I've cried, or just had tears. The past few months have been crazy. I'm surprised I've been staying strong. Especially with this eye condition I've been told I have. When I first was told I had this condition, in June, I cried. I don't think I've cried since that few day stretch period. Lots of times I feel tears building up and then I just fight them back. With all the generious donations to my walk (over $1K now), I'm just amazed. Sometimes I get the tears building up, but then they're gone. I figured one day the tears are going to flow and I'm going to be a mess because I've been bottling everything in.
Anywho, I visited my Grandpa yesterday. My aunt lives in Idaho, which is where my grandpa is originally from. So lots of times he goes and stays there for a couple or so months. I'm always bummed when he's not here, but then when he is here, I only see him once in the couple month period. So I told myself that I need to make more of an effort to see him. I don't have to wait until a family gathering. He does live an hour away, but I figured I need to do this while I can.
Last week in Idaho he went into the hospital. He was having trouble breathing and he called his Cardiologist here in MN and they told him to go to ER. They found 2 clots in his lungs. They gave him a prescription that I think is a blood thinner. So for awhile they are testing his blood every other day to make sure it's working.
He was still able to come home to MN on Tuesday like he had planned.
Roger's grandma isn't doing good. The siblings are taking turns spending the night with her. So she's not alone at all. She's been battling with Pancreas Cancer for 2.5 years now. At first they gave her 6 months to live. I know she's happy to be alive, but I think she's been ready to go for over a year now. I just remember 2006, she was looking at all the holidays like they were the last ones, she wanted to see them. Now it's 2008. Don't get me wrong, she didn't give up on living.
It's kinda weird, some of the aunts have read this book on the process of dying. I just got an update email a few minutes ago and this is one line from there "This is part of the natural dying".
It's so hard seeing someone wasting away in front of you like that.
Anywho, I visited my Grandpa yesterday. My aunt lives in Idaho, which is where my grandpa is originally from. So lots of times he goes and stays there for a couple or so months. I'm always bummed when he's not here, but then when he is here, I only see him once in the couple month period. So I told myself that I need to make more of an effort to see him. I don't have to wait until a family gathering. He does live an hour away, but I figured I need to do this while I can.
Last week in Idaho he went into the hospital. He was having trouble breathing and he called his Cardiologist here in MN and they told him to go to ER. They found 2 clots in his lungs. They gave him a prescription that I think is a blood thinner. So for awhile they are testing his blood every other day to make sure it's working.
He was still able to come home to MN on Tuesday like he had planned.
Roger's grandma isn't doing good. The siblings are taking turns spending the night with her. So she's not alone at all. She's been battling with Pancreas Cancer for 2.5 years now. At first they gave her 6 months to live. I know she's happy to be alive, but I think she's been ready to go for over a year now. I just remember 2006, she was looking at all the holidays like they were the last ones, she wanted to see them. Now it's 2008. Don't get me wrong, she didn't give up on living.
It's kinda weird, some of the aunts have read this book on the process of dying. I just got an update email a few minutes ago and this is one line from there "This is part of the natural dying".
It's so hard seeing someone wasting away in front of you like that.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Now what to watch?
I've been watching What I Like About You on ABCfamily for the last while. I like that they show the shows in the right order. The show ended in 06 I think. I actually started when the last few episodes were on and it went back to season 1. Then I watched it all the way to the end. It's on a 3 and 3:30 here. I missed a few episodes and would be bummed about it. I was that caught into it! I had forgotten on little piece in the last episode, so when the last episode was on yesterday I was surprised!
But now that my show is over : ( now what am I going to watch? Today started with season 1 again. So who knows I might just watch it again or whenever. I didn't watch today because I was napping from 2-5. Oops!
Monday, November 17, 2008
17 Days
We leave for Vegas in 17 days! VisionWalk is in 19 days. At the moment I have raised $780, MIL has helped and so has my dad. MIL and I have decided to really try to hit $1K. I don't know if it's going to happen or not. I'm excited for the walk, see how it goes.SIL's wedding is the night before the wedding. Hopefully the whole Vegas trip will be fun. We leave in 17 days, which is Thursday Dec. 4th after work and come home Sunday Dec. 7th early.
Then December 15th is my appointment with the specialist to get the results of all the tests I've done.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Amazed
I have sent out the emails to lots of people about my VisionWalk now. I think I sent them out a week ago and I have already raised $580!
It amazes me how generous people are. I have had several people that I don't even know in real life donate. Some of my dad's coworkers, some of my mother in laws coworkers. A friend of my brother's (I had a deep conversation with this friend about what's going on, but still).
Oh and the money that my dad has collected is not even added into the $580. My mom is going to send a check with me. A friend of mine on our bowling team is going to send a check at last minute. She said she'll give me what the last two numbers of my bowling average is. My average is 120 right now.
I saw something on the foundraiser sight about putting a jar in a local business. Heck I work in a grocery store (baker) but I'm not telling anyone I work with what's going on. But I had a thought come across my mind. My aunt/cousin own a salon. I'm going there Tuesday to get my roots touched up. Maybe I can put a jar or something together and maybe ask her if she'd be willing to put it on the counter. Then the weekend after Thanksgiving she can give it back to me. The walk is December 6th. I don't want to push anything on them but really I don't think they'd mind.
It amazes me how generous people are. I have had several people that I don't even know in real life donate. Some of my dad's coworkers, some of my mother in laws coworkers. A friend of my brother's (I had a deep conversation with this friend about what's going on, but still).
Oh and the money that my dad has collected is not even added into the $580. My mom is going to send a check with me. A friend of mine on our bowling team is going to send a check at last minute. She said she'll give me what the last two numbers of my bowling average is. My average is 120 right now.
I saw something on the foundraiser sight about putting a jar in a local business. Heck I work in a grocery store (baker) but I'm not telling anyone I work with what's going on. But I had a thought come across my mind. My aunt/cousin own a salon. I'm going there Tuesday to get my roots touched up. Maybe I can put a jar or something together and maybe ask her if she'd be willing to put it on the counter. Then the weekend after Thanksgiving she can give it back to me. The walk is December 6th. I don't want to push anything on them but really I don't think they'd mind.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Getting frustrated
I feel the Judy (AF) is coming. I didn't temp or use an OPK this month, so I don't know exactly what day I Oed, so I don't know exactly what day she's due. She's always shows on the 14th DPO. I'm getting frustrated because if she does show, this puts us at cycle number 12. Judy has been showing every month and I had tempted for 6 months I think it was and I did indeed O every month. Before temping I used the OPKs and I always got a +. Looking at those dates vs. the dates the chart said. It's around the same time. It's not like we're not doing the deed. So really the timing is not a worry what-so-ever
I would like to go to the doctor but I don't feel I should, financially. Since I'm going to the specialist for my eyes, I have NO idea what my medical bill is going to be. We don't know if insurance is going to cover any of it. I have to go to the specialist 3 times. So I feel I should wait until we know what we owe before adding another medical bill on top of it.
It's hard because I'm also consoling a friend right now who is trying to get her tubes tied. She has tried many many years (14) and has 3 miscarriages. First one was Eptopic, second one she lost the baby at 6 months pregnant, and earlier this year she had a blighted ovum. So they're calling it quits and she got her tubes tied. She had to go in 3 months later so they can test to make sure the tubes are tied. The test failed. So she has to go in again to get them tied again and hope it works this time. Poor thing!
I would like to go to the doctor but I don't feel I should, financially. Since I'm going to the specialist for my eyes, I have NO idea what my medical bill is going to be. We don't know if insurance is going to cover any of it. I have to go to the specialist 3 times. So I feel I should wait until we know what we owe before adding another medical bill on top of it.
It's hard because I'm also consoling a friend right now who is trying to get her tubes tied. She has tried many many years (14) and has 3 miscarriages. First one was Eptopic, second one she lost the baby at 6 months pregnant, and earlier this year she had a blighted ovum. So they're calling it quits and she got her tubes tied. She had to go in 3 months later so they can test to make sure the tubes are tied. The test failed. So she has to go in again to get them tied again and hope it works this time. Poor thing!
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